he agree to met me on the 11th if june i really wasn't feeling well thought it was a lack of sleep and not eating right. but i was due my periods tho on sunday so thought that might be why i was feeling physical sick as well as emotional sick. i met him in the shopping centre and he told me outside the chruch it was over i'm breaking up with you i couldn't think i was in no fit state to drive that feeling of couldn breath was on me again and he followed me agian to the car i really hated him for that i was no child he got into the car i locked the doors i wasn.t letting him go that easyly i was mad i couldn think straight let alone drive but he didn care he was going and that was that. i drove off but i had to stop outside a diffrent chruch i couldn breath at all i was hiper vitalating  this hasn't happent to me in along time curse him for doing this. i had to ring him i had to i couldn control it it was getting worst and it felt like thier was a hand on my heart squeezing it. he arrived and we rowed again in the process of calming me down. after he did that he saw smoke coming from my car the water lid was missing. nightmare the chap who dumped me was now helping me to fix my car swell yazoo lid and cellotape fixed that then i got out of thier as soon as possible at home my folks knew what was going on so on sat i burnt everthing i ever got off him i was gonna rid him from my life.

the next day i went into town with my mother to help her do the shopping as we were heading into dunnes he came behind me with his sister but he wouldn look at me wouldn even say hello that cut like a knife more deeper then i have ever felt. i rang him then i sat night crying telling him i missed him and could i see him he said no he was going to the moutains with his friends. i relpy but i thought they were in achill and p.j went all quite and he made that sound with his throat thats when i no he was lieing i knew there was a girl involved then. he said i see you in three weeks and we talk then no contact, no noting. i was gutted he was my best friend as well as my boyfriend so what was i suppose to do. what's more i knew he was lieing so then the thoughts of another girl was constantly in my head him and her together it was driving me insane almost like last time and i didn want to feel like that again so i kept ringing him or texting him all i got was your annoying me go away don't  you understand what three weeks were. in the meantime i was going mad he was and always will be my ture love my heart was his it always was and always will be i was ti young to be on my own for the rest of my life.

p.j came up the stairs with me and helped me make the bed he said we need to talk. i smiled at him and said i no thats why your here aint it and then he said i those four words i think "we need a break". i was gutted i ran downstairs without thinking an picked up a stone to slash his tyres think ha now you can't live me but he stopped me so i ran off to the old grave yard where i could think but he followed me shouting you can't out run me. which made me push myself even harder i need air i couldn breath why was he doing this how could he do this. he captived my heart my soul my whole been he made me feel alive like i was part of this world his world our world. i felt sick to the pits of my stumoch. i wanted to be sick and the man that was doing this to me was looking at me i didn't want him here to see my like this i felt so open so raw. leave me alone i scream but he wouldn go i'm not leaving you in this state he said. i looked up at p.j your the one who put me in this state. lets go home to portlaoise and sort things out no he said your not coming but i need to no if you be ok. so he walked me back to my home like i was a child talking to me but i couldn hear my head was buzzing i crawled into to my bed and scream mam came up the stairs and she knew all she had to do was look at me and she knew she held me tight and said shush everything be ok but i new it wouldn

so i went inside and took a deep breath everyting will be fine. i didn't want to lose him i love him i had to make him see sense. This was the man i wanted to marry, during the week he was talking to me he was off i told him i felt like the way he felt at times to and wanted to break up with him for excample when he joined the army when he cheated on me with one of his army buds in his unit esp when i found out when i was at a stupid dance of his. all alone stuck in a stupid hotel but we move on shall we and that one time with one of my friends euck the thoughts well anyways enough of that. i told him i wanted more commitement out of him i wasn't asking us to walk down the isle way to soon but something to show we diff can make it through this bad spot. on thrusday night he text me say he was goint to achill with this friends i wouldn mind really but the way he left it the weekend before and him been funny all week i smelt a rat i no it was awful but i thought it was a girl he was going with and i made it quite clear i wasn't happy and we needed to talk about a couple of issues. when i came home on the friday from work he was already thier in his normal clothes. i diff smelt a rat then he was meant to be in his uniform.

coutuation

on the 28th of may my love came back to me he was down south working hes a soldier and boy does he look sexy in his uniform. he was slightly diffrent tho i couldn put my finger on it and then on sat night like a bombshell he said the love i have for you i think it gone and i don't know how to fix it i sorry honey. i just looked at him why is he saying this i don't understand i mean it was going to be great i get to see him more when september came as he be due to start college i was so confused that all i did was cry i cryed for three hours and fell to sleep i cryed in the middle of the night while he held me tell me he was a fool he didn want to break up with me he want to just make us right again we made love at 3am in the morning tears and all. On sunday he left me at two o clock with a smile and massive hug saying don't worry love i was a fool everything be okay i just going ture a midlife crisis but i be back to you nxt weekend and we do something fun k please don't cry and with that he gave me the biggest hug and kiss on the forehead and said i call yeah k. all i could was nod i new i cry again if i thought about it long enough

countuation

he pulled away which seem liked meer seconds and smile while saying we can't stay here all night come here i carry you. your crazy you drop me laughing, p.j laught i never let you fall your mine always and he was right i was his. we got to his mams door and we started to makeout he wanted me there and then but that wasn't going to happen i was hardly gonna yack out a tampon that put in earlier as the underwear i was wear was suited to panty liners. so i push him away and said no not to night honey your mam is in there and it be wrong. p.j was sad "don't spoil the night please love" i smiled shhh you wake the neighbours we got inside where i was able to go to the bathroom and remove z object. p.j was randy to night he didn care if his mam caught him he wanted me and that was that and he did for 3hrs lol best night in a long time :) 

the break up :(

i'm madly in love with a guy that i have been seen for 6 years, he is my everything my world was him i no sad aint it that i can still be madly in love with a guy after so many years. at the moment tho he wreacking my head i'm young i want to live life go out enjoy ourselves have nice dinners instead of shitty takeaways and most of all go away weekends and explore the world party in parts of the world be pretty again have a reason to doll myself up. but all i get is i'm to tired honey how about we stay into night or lets go to bed :( which i didn't like but couldn be bother fighting over i mean i love the guy and all i wanted was spend time with him. well anyways in may 22nd we went out for the first time in ages i was so happy we went home (his moms house) early both wrecked we got out of the taxi he looked at me and brushed my hair away from my face and looked deep into my eyes and said babe would you like a bag of chips !!! i laugh and pushed him away he grabbed me twice as quick and did the same thing brushed my hair away with the back of his hand and looked deep into my eyes and said honey i glad i'm standing here with you tonight and do u no how much i love you. he gave me the biggest hug. i could have stayed there all night i felt so loved.